What is your definition of being shy?

[Emily of Halifax]

Up until I was about 26 I was painfully shy, i was the one at school that to this day very few people actually remember I just blended into the background. Even when i started work i was the same I have since been told that managers would avoid asking me to do anything because they were not sure how I would react and possibly burst into tears or not know what to say.

This changed drastically when I seperated from my first husband as I had to get on with things for myself with no one to hide behind the real turning point for me was when my eldest son was 3 I took him to Eurodisney which really boosted my confidence and helped me come out of my shell.

Even to this day I am still shy in certain ways put me in with a group of men and I have no problem but a large group of women that I did not know very well I would struggle with.

aother situation that i am not confortable with is going into a pub or restaurant on my own and ordering a drink I would rather stand outside in the rain waiting than go in by myself

[English Kate]

I have to admit Emily I am the same when it comes to pubs and restaurants, funny that. I just don't like it, but then that might be slightly to do with upbringing with me, as I was led to believe that ladies don't go to the pub on their own. Having said that when I was a teenager I had a local and had no problem back then, but I new the bar staff, so never felt alone.

Lolo I see what you are saying, so it's not about being shy, as much as controlling your environment for your own comfort zone? I would not have liked lots of people taking notes and watching if my son was being stitched up either. I think they took a liberty with you on that one. One person is enough to be a witness if that is the problem.

Me and Ann talk too much, but it didn't bother us at all and we usually managed to get out what we wanted to say in the few gaps of quiet that hid the air space. I think that it was more a novelty thing though and I expect on a day to day basis it would not be like that, in fact that is why I liked it when we were in the apartment, as I think when we were there the talking was far more natural and happened when things came up, rather than a need to splurge out all the things we had been waiting to talk about. Fingers crossed we will be too busy with the party for you to get annoyed by it lol.

Jayzee I can see that your focus then is the instrument and you are hiding behind it. Would you still be a performer if it was you in the front on your own with the microphone? It's nice being part of a small group too, as you are part of a collective and either collectively good and sharing the applause or collectively bad and it's not just your fault.

Emily I can imagine you being shy when you were younger and I'm glad you have managed to get through it. It is a shame when people hold themselves back when they have such a lot to offer.

[Emily of Halifax]

I think being shy was more to do with my upbringing my mother was a single parent and very very strict, if I wanted to play out I always had to be home hours before anyone else which I used to get teased about so this stopped me wanting to play out she wouldnt even let me join the local youth club run by the church remember her saying no daughter of mine is mixing with those types of people so I think it stemmed from the lack of social involvement that was inflicted by her.

Hey ho thats not me anymore though strangely enough we dont speak cant stand the woman she is evil personified and I am not exaggerating the straw broke the camels back when she started to treat my children with the same attitude that she brought me up on and there was no way I was putting up with it.

[abcdef]

Lolo I see what you are saying, so it's not about being shy, as much as controlling your environment for your own comfort zone? I would not have liked lots of people taking notes and watching if my son was being stitched up either. I think they took a liberty with you on that one. One person is enough to be a witness if that is the problem.

true when u are stuck laying their your legs up in stirrups its embarassing at the best of times, they were there to count every stitch i received, even if i had have been older i think i would have still felt the same

yes im selfish that way i do like to control my own comforts zones, it bugs my family friends etc ... that i never ring for a chat or anything

im just a quiet person always will be, i would say im a confident person as i know exactly what im good at (which in my old job was a fault as it meant i got landed with more stuff)

sexually im confident as i know what i like & what i dont, also confident in what i can give to the person im intimate with, i do have some FR's saying im shy too start with but i know why that is

i get over excited at the anticipation especially as the booking gets closer i have to make myself cum before, then by the time they enter im on that high a sexual rush they usually just get a hi, last thing on my mind is offering a drink, i just want them to get their clothes off so i can touch before i burst with excitement

[jayzee77]

I've done solos as well as in a group setting and it doesnt bother me too much. But if someone said you were going to talk in front of a group of kids or adults i'd have a break down!. I get annoyed with my self that i don't seem as social as all the other mums in the play ground.

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Actually having the kids has made me go out of my comfort zone which has helped.

[English Kate]

I love this site and the honesty of everyone on it. Such deep conversations we have. Thank you for getting involved. I've really enjoyed this thread, as I feel like I'm getting to know everyone that has answered that little bit better.

Lolo, how many men do you see a day on average? Do you sometimes carry the high from one booking on to the next? I do if I have had half hour bookings. My last one left me frustrated, but he was really good, so it was more a matter of wanting to continue than unfulfilled.

jayzee I think it is a matter of being confident in yourself. You must feel confident in your ability with the instrument, but not so much with your ability to speak in public. That is a very natural reaction and yes children do tend to bring out the best in you, as you are there to help them and sometimes that means moving out of your comfort zone.

Emily, you make my Mum sound nice and she can be a really harsh and unreasonable at times. I'm gad you have not repeated the cycle and got yourself a good man.

Oh by the way, I think I read your message wrongly the first time lolo. You mean you were getting stitched up after childbirth. That is horrible!!! Anyone would have hated that, it's like stripping away your dignity. How awful!

[abcdef]

Lolo, how many men do you see a day on average? Do you sometimes carry the high from one booking on to the next? I do if I have had half hour bookings. My last one left me frustrated, but he was really good, so it was more a matter of wanting to continue than unfulfilled.

Oh by the way, I think I read your message wrongly the first time lolo. You mean you were getting stitched up after childbirth. That is horrible!!! Anyone would have hated that, it's like stripping away your dignity. How awful!

it does strip your dignity away i remember the first midwife saying u have to leave your modesty at the door yeah maybe but took over 5hrs to stitch me up cause of her mistake

how many men, hard to say couple times a week i might see none as its been timewasters, others days anything from 3-4 as i wouldnt want to risk loads of guys, after that guy went knocking on doors i dont want to draw attention to myself

my sexual rush carries on it can last for days it just gets more powerful of course the come down is when u get a timewaster but i suppose cant have it good all the time

[jayzee77]

I'm much better than I was due to the kids and due to the help of DrC, and my good friend GC (who has also found me on here lol!)
As I was quiet at school I was a target for the bullies and that eats at your confidence and self asteem, nothing physical just verbal.. I was a bigger than them! But never fought back. I even ended up being bullied in 6th form by stupid yr 6/7 kids. I found it really hard when my comprehensive school didn't have a 6 th form so I had to change schools, I hated the new school but found friends in the music dept and I stayed there, I never made any friends in my 6th form I just didn't fit in.

Also I'm an only child, so my parents were and are over protective... Still. As much as I love them they are very high maintenance, and often forget I have my family to deal with, RC and my mum have had their runs ins, my mum had broken up my previous relationships through emotional black mail, i actually found a job in Oxford so I could move away from home, I needed it but my parents still expected me back home on my weekends off. I wish she had let me learn that the relationships wouldn't have worked rather than going on at me, not letting me out etc. Luckily DRC was a bit more stubborn lol!

[English Kate]

It's funny how the way our parents behave has such an impact on our lives. I can't commit to a relationship due to my Dad never giving me unconditional love. I'm scared the moment I start to care for someone that I'm going to get hurt and find reason to runaway and my Mum! She is very accentric and is very blunt with her opinions. I've been made to believe that I'm not attractive, over weight and unable to succeed all my life and so many times I've tried so hard to get her approval and been denied it. She does seem to be mellowing in her old age, but for the first time in my life, I don't feel like I can seek her approval and that is hard too.

I do love my Mum very much and there are moments when I wouldn't have her any other way, but she hasn't been easy and we do rub each other the wrong way on a regular basis.

I will tell you one thing though. I bet we have made a better job of looking after our children and none of them have to question if they are loved or not. I know mine doesn't.

[Freddo]

I tend to agree with Emily up to a point in fact most of it

I came from a very strict being upbringing of being seen and not heard
then I was kept away from members of the opposite sex
except for the times when I could sneak away from big brothers ever seeing eye
the trouble is the sort of girls I meet did not need much persuading
to get friendly

I am really shy with ladies that I feel attracted to
I get tongue tied and feel myself getting very hot under the collar
and going red.
and have no idea what to say so just avoid the situation