What is your definition of being shy?

[English Kate]

Several posts have led me to this thread.

I have heard several different reasons for why people think they are shy and yet I find myself in conflict with them in my thoughts.

For instance. Generally I do not class myself as 'shy' but... I much prefer wearing lingerie than being naked, because when I am naked I feel vunerable and therefore less sexy.

I have absolutely no problem talking to anyone, but when I stand up in front of a crowd of adults and do a presentation, I get tongue tied and blush.

I have no problem complaining about food or a service etc, but I can not walk up to a man I fancy and let him know that is the way I feel.

I always assume that a male will prefer the other woman if there is a choice and will bow down and walk away rather than persue.

All these things and yet I really don't consider myself to be shy.

What do you consider to be shy and how do you rate it as a quality? If you think you are shy, what are the qualities you have that make you feel that way?

[iluvjem]

All these things and yet I really don't consider myself to be shy.

What do you consider to be shy and how do you rate it as a quality? If you think you are shy, what are the qualities you have that make you feel that way?

I would say I am exactly the same as you...except Id never send food back! lol

I do not consider myself shy therefor I don't consider you to be shy. It's more a self confidence thing which is totaly different.

I think shy people are another level down in terms of self confidence.

[SassyAnn]

I was on the phone once to a client and you were there. When I got off the phone, you said 'You are shy aren't you?' I had never been shy with you, and it was the first time you'd seen it.
So what was it about the phone call that made you conclude I was shy?

[Pan]

When you look back and find you have developed a skill set of tools to over come them. It leads you to see that you must have been one time.
I couldn't tell you when I stopped, but I remember when I must have been.
A result of it is masks (many) you use to deal with different people, even those at home.
Chances are the only places I wear no mask is when on a meeting with woman. Part of that is why I do it, damned If it doesn't relax me body and mind.

[jayzee77]

I consider my self shy because:
I hate speaking to people on the phone,
I feel uncomfortable meeting people I don't know or talking to people I don't know.
I can't keep eye contact very well with anyone.
I'm even still self concious with DrC and I've been with him almost 10 yrs!
If i see someone i know i will often try and avoid them by going a different way or keeping my head down.

But i think this is often assumed to be that I am not friendly or a bit aloof when I'm not, what you see is what you get really with me.
But if I'm in my work (VN) then i have to answer the phone and get on with it, but i'm not worried as i know what i'm doing.
still yet to develop confidence with clients through escorting.

[Hicky]

I think your own definition of being shy depends on your own insecurities - and we all have them even the most outwardly confident people.

But your perception of if other people are shy or not is very often misleading. Lots of people believe just because someone is quiet they are shy. For myself I noticed years ago that in meetings often the people who came across worst were those desperate to say something because silence embarrased them and often what they said came across as silly because they had not thought things through. But more than that I was later shown how being engaged (eye contact etc) but not saying anything allows other people to open up more and more and eventually get down to the root of what they were saying not the surface. Consequently I now often hold 10 minute conversations where I say no more than a dozen words, but being quiet certainly does not mean i am being shy or that i feel shy - far from it i feel in control. And that may be the nub of shyness - one only feels shy when one feels a lack of control of one's own place within a given situation.

[English Kate]

Jayzee I think you are shy, Ann I don't think you are shy any more lol. I think shy was the wrong word to use on that occassion. I think you were being coy on the phone. Yes you were a little nervous and the nerves were getting you to blurt out things that I personally thought, wow that is a bit strange, but instead of being shy you were over emphasising the things that you like to do, which I guess made you feel more confident, because you know they have had good results?

You are very at one with your body, which I think is amazing, because I have never been with mine, although I am slowly getting there through Escorting.

You are good at putting others at ease (you have said this yourself) which is another quality that shy people tend not to have, as they are too busy trying to put themselves at ease. I have to admit I don't have a problem with that, as I love meeting new people.

You are happy in a crowd. I can see where you are coming with this, as in it makes you anonymous, but still very shy people would not be able to cope in this situation.

There were many other qualities that you have (good ones mind) that in my eyes far out weighed any other qualities that you have that might be considered shy. The photo shoot for example. Once we got into the swing of it, you were almost enjoying it (it looked like you were enjoying it) and you were thinking of poses yourself and putting that smoking sexy look on for me. Admittedly you don't appreciate all the pictures that I took, but that is not about being shy, that is about how you see your image of who you are and what you appreciate about the female form.

I kind of feel that even lolo is shyer than you lol. (seriously). As she lives a more insular life and prefers to meet people more one on one and hates going out in crowds.

Plus like me you tend to say what you think and suffer the consequences afterwards lol. A truely shy person would hesitate to say anything that might offend, as they would not want to upset anyone or stand out in the crowd, as being controversial. I think your sense of humour definitely over rides any feelings of shyness.

I'm glad you didn't feel shy with me anyway, as perhaps I was privilidged to see what others have to wait fo find, but I don't think they have to wait too long. Maybe you are changing as you grow older?

---

I think your own definition of being shy depends on your own insecurities - and we all have them even the most outwardly confident people.

But your perception of if other people are shy or not is very often misleading. Lots of people believe just because someone is quiet they are shy. For myself I noticed years ago that in meetings often the people who came across worst were those desperate to say something because silence embarrased them and often what they said came across as silly because they had not thought things through. But more than that I was later shown how being engaged (eye contact etc) but not saying anything allows other people to open up more and more and eventually get down to the root of what they were saying not the surface. Consequently I now often hold 10 minute conversations where I say no more than a dozen words, but being quiet certainly does not mean i am being shy or that i feel shy - far from it i feel in control. And that may be the nub of shyness - one only feels shy when one feels a lack of control of one's own place within a given situation.

Very perceptive Mr Haddock/Hicky. Although for me the blatant eye contact would lead me to believe that quiet person was not shy. Especially if they were not acting nervous with their body language (ie chewing nails) etc.

I wish I was able to do that too. I'm dreadful with silence. I do find it very unnerving and if I'm in a class and the tutor has asked a question and no one asnswers it, I do feel compelled to fill that void, even if I don't know the answer. I don't put that down to shyness though, more a matter of feeling sorry for the tutor and trying to help things along. The old empathy button kicks in.

We really are complex creatures aren't we.

[Hicky]

Having only met you once Ann (and very briefly at that) i would not say for one moment that you are Shy. You struck me as a self aware properly rounded (i mean mentally before you shout at me) woman.

I am also reminded re shyness about a person I know who is at the very top of their profession, hugely outgoing, and very very well respected. They speak elequently and knowledgably infront of 100's and 100's of critical poeple and pull it off with a passion. Yet every time she speaks infront of more than a dozen people she gets a red rash around her neck - it's obviously not just purely a physical reaction but just cos it happens does not hold her back - indeed she embraces it and often jokes about it.

[jayzee77]

Yet on the other hand I am a performer, I have played musically in front of hundreds of people and although i get nervous I the adrenaline kicks in and get such a high from playing... something I don't get to do so much these days.

[abcdef]

in my last job there was no nicey nicey to anyone, u needed a voice of your own to say exactly what u thought, most of my ex workmates were scared of me

been interviewed on tv a few times but u were facing the interviewer not the camera plus there were no audience as it was getting recorded

i maybe shy but i think im more of a quiet person, i have sisters who are motormouths who don't know when to shut up infact they dont give u a chance to answer, i run one to her work who is told if she even utters one word i'll stop the car & walk back, to me silence is golden sometimes

the crowd thing is more a personal space issue, i detest people bumping into me even by accident my temper just flares up, other thing pubs, clubs are the same & i hate being around anyone who has been drinking

im the type of person if i dont like u i will tell u to your face so u never try talking to me again, that side my OH hates about me, like pan says we do have masks we use with different people

my OH thinks the crowd thing stems the day i had my son waiting to be stitched the doctor was about to start then told me he needed witnesses incase i wanted to sue, so having more than 30 consultants standing around looking & making notes while that was getting done was too personal for my liking