Advice for coping with a relationship with an escort?

[kinkydirtybitch]

Basically you are trying to remove sex work from the equation & she is happy working. It is verging on a somewhat conditional love.

If you can't deal with the whole package as she is presenting then it may be wise to consider your options.

Good luck with everything.

[Jakey]

Basically you are trying to remove sex work from the equation & she is happy working.  It is verging on a somewhat conditional love.

If you can't deal with the whole package as she is presenting then it may be wise to consider your options.

Good luck with everything.

I don't see how I'm trying to remove sex work from the equation...

Is it really at all suprising that a guy finds out from nowhere that the girl he loves is having sex with other men every day (albeit as a job) and finds that difficult to cope with? 

Maybe as a sex worker, there is a much more relaxed view to sex and it is easy to see the sex with clients as meaningless, but as someone who had absolutely no experience with the industry before, is in my first relationship and is still fairly early on in dealing with it and has had little support I dont think its in any way unreasonable to find it a big obstacle to overcome.

Also, if I had known from the start what she did, then I would see it that I have no right to manouvre, but I didnt, I found out in probably the worst way possible fairly deep into the relationship, and I think I deserve credit for being loyal and perservering with finding ways to deal with it rather than doing what I can imagine most men would have done and leaving straight away, as the natural male psyche makes it extremely difficult to accept.

 I am not saying I cant accept her job, and I'm not trying to remove sex work from the equation, which is why I have stayed with her and love her and support her unconditionally. I just go through some periods which are more difficult than others, and so I am seeking help from those rare few who can actually provide it, is that unreasonable? 

I have to battle through every day she is working, constantly thinking to myself about whether she is safe, being respected, feeling ok, and battling with mental imagery that makes me very emotional, and so if I can get some advice from others who know how to handle that better then it would help me so much.

I'm sorry of I seem quite riled up in my response, it just seemed quite unempathetic to the reality of dealing with this from the POV of someone who hasnt been involved with the sex industry and in a situation that for any man would surely take a lot of learning, experience and time to feel completely comfortable with.

[sarahxxx]

I have to battle through every day she is working, constantly thinking to myself about whether she is safe, being respected, feeling ok, and battling with mental imagery that makes me very emotional, and so if I can get some advice from others who know how to handle that better then it would help me so much.

Yes I see your point, imagine what all those nasty horrible men are doing to her and she might even be enjoying it.

I take it you have seen "Pretty Woman", well it does happen in real life, men pay for sex with a girl, woo them and they run off to live together, at least you won't have to worry about her any more and could move on with your life.

I am sure that she is safe and you do not need to worry about her, she will be taking care of that herself.

The mental imagery / self torture is in your head and has very little to do with her, if you accept what she is doing and want to support her then you have to start by dealing with your own problems of insecurity.

If she worked in an office, she may well get the attention of her male co workers and I am sure you would get equally jealous / worked up about that.

Sarah x x x

[Jakey]

I have to battle through every day she is working, constantly thinking to myself about whether she is safe, being respected, feeling ok, and battling with mental imagery that makes me very emotional, and so if I can get some advice from others who know how to handle that better then it would help me so much.

Yes I see your point, imagine what all those nasty horrible men are doing to her and she might even be enjoying it.

I take it you have seen "Pretty Woman", well it does happen in real life, men pay for sex with a girl, woo them and they run off to live together, at least you won't have to worry about her any more and could move on with your life.

I am sure that she is safe and you do not need to worry about her, she will be taking care of that herself.

The mental imagery / self torture is in your head and has very little to do with her, if you accept what she is doing and want to support her then you have to start by dealing with your own problems of insecurity.

If she worked in an office, she may well get the attention of her male co workers and I am sure you would get equally jealous / worked up about that.

Sarah x x x

Why would I want her to run off with a client?
I know maybe posting about my troubles somehow to other escorts makes me come across as a possessive, jealous and manipulative control freak but thats far from the truth. She often gets attention when shes out and about and we just laugh about it, shes been hit on plenty of times and it doesnt bother me one bit, i see that it does her confidence good and I know that she is faithful to me as i am her. But the fact is, there is a world of difference between her getting flirted with in the office and having intimate, physical sex with the same people regularly, dont you think? Probably doesnt hwlp that i found out by walking im on a session, i think it scarred me somewhat. If the shoe was on the other foot, she has already told me that she knows she would not be able tk deal wirh it, as she is far more jealous than me.

[Pixie]

You really need to speak with her about it. I do think it unfair on you that she didn't tell you about her work at the beginning of the relationship. It is her work but this type of work is something that alot of guys are unable to deal with.

Asking her to give up her work however is also unfair. This is how she makes a living, it's her job.

The solution is a hard one and there may not be one.

You need to speak to her about this. Only she can provide the reassurance that you need.

When you speak o her you could ask her to maybe give camming/phone chat/shooting videos a try. Just doing an hour or 2 a day to see if she enjoys it. If she does then you could ask for her to cut down on the real life clients she sees and make the money up on cam. You could even join her sometimes. She may even find that she prefers it and gives up real life session. Ultimately it is her choice though.

You do need to deal with your insecurities. Don't get me wrong, I feel for you for the position your in and the feelings you face. But you need to find a healthy way of dealing with them. Your girlfriend will need to a part of this.

There may well come a point where the both of you are at stalemate and you would have to give up on the relationship. This is her work and her choice, these are your feelings and they are valid. If nothing gives either side then I hope you or your girlfriend break up peacefully before resentment and bitterness creeps in.

Sit down with her and speak openly and honestly with her, that's the first step.

X

[kinkydirtybitch]

It does not seem you can cope, Jake. That is the basics of it.

How long can you handle the misery of a relationship with a WG? Sounds pretty miserable for all concerned.

[Jakey]

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[Ana_X]

First of all Jake, you are the one who came here to ask people of different mindsets for advice, so to call those who have given their input from their own outlook delusional is just plain rude.

Secondly: "How about instead of criticising me you people actually do something constructive and give me some useful advice, which is what I specifically asked for in the first place."
- Nobody here owes you SHIT. More specifically, nobody here is going to tell you whatever it is you want to hear, as what you've been given as advice so far just doesn't seem to please you at all.

This forum is here for newbie punters, experienced punters, newbie adult industry workers and professionals, so of course responses are going to be a mixed bag, but that doesn't mean the replies are invalid because you can't fathom how other people think.

I'd say you likely aren't going to get the input you need from here Jake, and suggest maybe couples counselling will be the best option for you.

Good luck.

[Jakey]

First of all Jake, you are the one who came here to ask people of different mindsets for advice, so to call those who have given their input from their own outlook delusional is just plain rude.

Secondly: "How about instead of criticising me you people actually do something constructive and give me some useful advice, which is what I specifically asked for in the first place."
- Nobody here owes you SHIT. More specifically, nobody here is going to tell you whatever it is you want to hear, as what you've been given as advice so far just doesn't seem to please you at all.

This forum is here for newbie punters, experienced punters, newbie adult industry workers and professionals, so of course responses are going to be a mixed bag, but that doesn't mean the replies are invalid because you can't fathom how other people think.

I'd say you likely aren't going to get the input you need from here Jake, and suggest maybe couples counselling will be the best option for you.

Good luck.

When I was saying about the posts, i didnt just refer to the ones from here. Many people on this thread have been nice and reasonable and have given good advice. This was a response to a certain post, and from someone who has been saying the same message on another forum we posted on, someone sho obviously just views me as a nuisance and has been quite clear about that. This was pretty much a direct response to that person and those who have also been criticising me, not the ones who have given advice, sorry of people mistook that.

To be fair, i never asked for peoples judgement anyway, I clearly said im looking for people in similar position (couples) who could give me some tips on how to deal with certain aspects, so people telling me to leave and move on because I 'cant deal with it' arent really valid responses to my query.

No disrespect meant, as I said, it was more an outburst to certain people who have been very unhelpful and judgemental over a few forums.

[Jakey]

In fact yes most of the comments have been reasonable and helpful, and I would like to repeat my thanks for those who have done so. If you want I could even link you to the thread that me and my partner posted elsewhere, but it was a forum only for escorts so I couldnt respond to it myself. But I realised that some of the comments overlapped and I got pretty frustrated with it. 
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