Advice for coping with a relationship with an escort?

[Jakey]

 

Hi there,

I am interested in hearing advice from people in a similar situation to me. I am in a relationship with a girl who I found out to be a an escort. 

I must note that I did not meet her as a client, I met her in a completely unrelated setting and I have never had any experience with the adult industry. I really love her and have known about her work for a number of months now, but I do face daily struggles in terms of coping with the fact that she is away in a hotel somewhere having sex with other men, and no matter how much you try to convince yourself that it's ok, and try to find ways to ignore it, it is so difficult for my mind not to wander into picturing certain scenes, and I often find myself looking at her AW profile, even though I know it's like stabbing myself with a knife and does me no favours. 

I'm 22 and she is a few years older than me, and this is my first long term relationship and I really want it to work out. Other than the problem we face with her job, we are perfect for each other. She is not in a position to be able to stop her work just yet and I do see the positive side to the job, but it's just distressing in terms of coping with the emotional side if that makes sense.

As you can imagine I can't exactly talk about this with friends or family, and they would probably have a bias against her which would be unhelpful. Are there any similar couples out there? If anybody has any advice they could lend me to help cope with this then it would be much appreciated. (Oh, and leaving her is not an option, I tried that and it only made me feel worse, I really want to be with her)

Thanks guys!

Jake

[knight_rupert]

Some guys will think you're lucky because you get for free what they have to pay for.

I guess it's up to you: if she doesn't want to stop you take it at face value or leave it. I guess she won't stop you seeing other escorts but maybe you don't want that.

[country-gal]

He hasn't said he is seeing other escorts he is in love with this lady but finds her escorting difficult which I guess most would....i feel for you darling , have you sat down with her and been completely honest with how it makes you feel ? Could she perhaps stop escorting and become a full time webcam provider ? Its really good money without the risks of meeting someone .....try not to look at her profile as you will only see feild reports from other men which is bound to hurt as you've already said.....its a tough one and I wish you both the best

Country-gal ....genuine country gal for webcam and phone sex fun

[Simon]

Hmm. Difficult for a man in my position (trapped in a sexless marriage, having to pay for sex) to avoid the obvious "you lucky bastard!" reaction...

You are indeed getting for free what other guys have to pay for. If you have a problem with that, it's probably because you see her as "yours"... which she isn't really. It's that possessiveness which is the problem here. I suppose the fact that you started dating her without knowing what you were getting into didn't help, if you'd met her as a client you'd be grateful for all the "freebies" you're getting.

Perhaps it would be best for you to book a few escorts, to get yourself thinking like a punter. Pick girls who are quite unlike your girlfriend (different ethnicities, for instance) and try to broaden your horizons somewhat.

Then look at how much money you've just spent, realise that a woman you really like is ready to give you that for free, and appreciate what you have!

[grendel1]

Feel for you buddy, it can take a lot to share someone. Most people aren't ready for that, and I would be the same. Being assured "It's only sex" doesn't always help.

There are only 2 choices ... either learn to accept it (will take some time), or admit you can't and move on. Either way, I agree with above ... stop looking at her profile. It is hurting you, and preventing you from having any kind of acceptance. It's a true test of your love, but if you want to keep her, you'll need to stop snooping and value what you do have

G

[Pedro]

I know how you feel. And I also know that you have good intentions. But it's not really a relationship.

But best to move on and find someone that'll not use you or be a two-timer. Those are best left alone.

[littlelilyx]

I agree with Country-gal. Have an honest chat with her about it and if you feel you cant deal with her physically being with clients ask her to consider camming/phone chat/clip making etc.
Hope it works out.

[grendel1]

I know how you feel. And I also know that you have good intentions. But it's not really a relationship.

But best to move on and find someone that'll not use you or be a two-timer. Those are best left alone.

Hmmm ... she is not a two timer, nor using him necessarily, I think that's unfair and unhelpful to his predicament.

[Jakey]

Hmm.  Difficult for a man in my position (trapped in a sexless marriage, having to pay for sex) to avoid the obvious "you lucky bastard!" reaction...

You are indeed getting for free what other guys have to pay for.  If you have a problem with that, it's probably because you see her as "yours"... which she isn't really.  It's that possessiveness which is the problem here.  I suppose the fact that you started dating her without knowing what you were getting into didn't help, if you'd met her as a client you'd be grateful for all the "freebies" you're getting.

Perhaps it would be best for you to book a few escorts, to get yourself thinking like a punter.  Pick girls who are quite unlike your girlfriend (different ethnicities, for instance) and try to broaden your horizons somewhat.

Then look at how much money you've just spent, realise that a woman you really like is ready to give you that for free, and appreciate what you have!

I appreciate your help Simon, but I feel like this is a really wrong way to look at relationships. Maybe this view is viable for casual relationships for fun, but when I am in a serious LTR with a girl I deeply love, I do not in any way 'feel lucky' that other men pay to have sex with her whilst I don't. She isnt my escort, so i am not getting freebies, as there shouldnt be any price put on sex in a relationship. 

I feel like maybe punters in general have a different outlook on things like this, as they see it more casually. But for me, knowing that tomorrow my partner is going to have numerous men rubbing their hands all over her and doing god knows what else, beforw coming home and being with me is extremely difficult and breaks my heart every day. 

I also dont agree with the concept of her being mine. I see her as no more mine than I am hers, and i think its absurd to see being uncomfortable with other men having sex with her as 'possessive'. Relationships are in general expected to be monogomaus which is why cheating is a negative thing and breaks relationships. Men are naturally territorial for a number of reasons and I feel I have a right to feel very intruded upon by other males having access to my partner.

[Jakey]

He hasn't said he is seeing other escorts he is in love with this lady but finds her escorting difficult which I guess most would....i feel for you darling , have you sat down with her and been completely honest with how it makes you feel ? Could she perhaps stop escorting and become a full time webcam provider ? Its really good money without the risks of meeting someone .....try not to look at her profile as you will only see feild reports from other men which is bound to hurt as you've already said.....its a tough one and I wish you both the best

Country-gal ....genuine country gal for webcam and phone sex fun

Thanks for the advice. We have mentioned camming before and it would be a massive cure all as although its a huge problem for me that she is physically engaging with other men, I would be absolutely fine with her doing cam work, in fact I would find it quite sexy and cool. 

But she worries that there would be too much competition and she wouldnt make anything from it.

It would be awesome and appreciated of you could offer some advice on her starting up, and is it true that ita very difficult to attract viewers etc?