Advice for coping with a relationship with an escort?

[Jakey]

Jake you seem to be getting upset with everyone here because of what an entirely other set of people said on an entirely different forum.

Overall the responses you have received on this forum have been helpful and sympathetic towards your position.

I understand the difficulty you have dealing with the safety issues, and if this even made your gf debate wether to keep on in this work then maybe it would be good for her to look into other options.

She could webcam part time and then keep seeing her current regular escorting clients. If she wanted to still advertise for new clients then she could introduce the booking request form with the confirming etc as a way to book. I find this weeds out the time wasters and the not so nice people.

As I said before though, it is her decision.

Chin up luv! Remember that the people that reply to you on forums online are people that you have and will never meet, they have no real impact on your life. Unless of course you allow them to.

You're right. I did look over and see that in general people are supportive and willing to give good advice, I think its just because there are a few who I can sense real negativity from, and I know there is a member or 2 on here who were involved in the other thread and were making what I see at snide remarks and treating me with bias and like I'm a pest, so it was aimed at them really.

Thankyou for your encouragement, in terms of your advice, yes, we have considered camming and she likes the idea but doesnt know if its practical, but going part time could be worth it as an endeavour. 
The thing is, its not just me wanting the change, it may seem to some like im pressuring her out of a job she loves, but the truth is she does it because its convenient and because its all she knows. But in reality, she knows and feels that its not a healthy activity to do in a commited relationship, and has often told me this. If I knew she loved it and had no plan to ever stop, then I would leave her, as it doesnt align with what I seek in a relationship. But ahe plans on getting out at some point and is making steps for it in the not too distanr future.

[sarahxxx]

@Jakey

I am confused as to what you are looking for or what help you think people can actually give you.

If your looking for a couples point of view then I am part of a couple but possibly the wrong part as you may or may not want the view of my OH.

He is a perv, he enjoys nothing better than watching me have sex with many other men and has done since we first met, he was 21 I was 20.

Does he enjoy me working as an escort? Yes & no, being a perv he enjoys the thought of it and he likes the fact that I earn good money from it, rather than keep taking money from him.

So what does he not enjoy about it? He doesn't like that he can not watch.

So on to your problem:

You have found out that your partner is having sex with other men for money.

Your first problem is that she lied to you about it, that is a trust issue and is much the same as any male / female finding out the partner has cheated on them or even that the husband (in most cases) has paid for sex with an escort

The answer is simple get over it or move on.

Taking that you don't want to move on then what you should be doing is talking to your girlfriend, not be on here talking about it, we are not psychologists, but there are many here that could offer you a few private 1-2-1 sessions to help you work through your problem and help you understand the relationship between punter & escort.

Sarah x x x

[Jakey]

@Jakey

I am confused as to what you are looking for or what help you think people can actually give you.

If your looking for a couples point of view then I am part of a couple but possibly the wrong part as you may or may not want the view of my OH.

He is a perv, he enjoys nothing better than watching me have sex with many other men and has done since we first met,  he was 21 I was 20.

Does he enjoy me working as an escort? Yes & no, being a perv he enjoys the thought of it and he likes the fact that I earn good money from it, rather than keep taking money from him.

So what does he not enjoy about it? He doesn't like that he can not watch.

So on to your problem:

You have found out that your partner is having sex with other men for money.

Your first problem is that she lied to you about it, that is a trust issue and is much the same as any male / female finding out the partner has cheated on them or even that the husband (in most cases) has paid for sex with an escort

The answer is simple get over it or move on.

Taking that you don't want to move on then what you should be doing is talking to your girlfriend, not be on here talking about it, we are not psychologists, but there are many here that could offer you a few private 1-2-1 sessions to help you work through your problem and help you understand the relationship between punter & escort.

Sarah x x x

Hi Sarah,

Yes you're right in that I am looking for a couples point of view. You and your husband share a very different outlook, although I respect it and I guess its great that it suits perfectly for you both then!

That is the ultimate aim of this really, to be able to learn directly from a couple, mainly the guy on how he has learned to accept certain aspects that I have a difficult time dealing with. 

Thanks for the help Sarah, 

Best wishes,
Jake

[Pixie]

@Jakey

I am confused as to what you are looking for or what help you think people can actually give you.

If your looking for a couples point of view then I am part of a couple but possibly the wrong part as you may or may not want the view of my OH.

He is a perv, he enjoys nothing better than watching me have sex with many other men and has done since we first met,  he was 21 I was 20.

Does he enjoy me working as an escort? Yes & no, being a perv he enjoys the thought of it and he likes the fact that I earn good money from it, rather than keep taking money from him.

So what does he not enjoy about it? He doesn't like that he can not watch.

So on to your problem:

You have found out that your partner is having sex with other men for money.

Your first problem is that she lied to you about it, that is a trust issue and is much the same as any male / female finding out the partner has cheated on them or even that the husband (in most cases) has paid for sex with an escort

The answer is simple get over it or move on.

Taking that you don't want to move on then what you should be doing is talking to your girlfriend, not be on here talking about it, we are not psychologists, but there are many here that could offer you a few private 1-2-1 sessions to help you work through your problem and help you understand the relationship between punter & escort.

Sarah x x x

Hi Sarah,

Yes you're right in that I am looking for a couples point of view. You and your husband share a very different outlook, although I respect it and I guess its great that it suits perfectly for you both then!

That is the ultimate aim of this really, to be able to learn directly from a couple, mainly the guy on how he has learned to accept certain aspects that I have a difficult time dealing with. 

Thanks for the help Sarah, 

Best wishes,
Jake

Jake I'll ask my other half if he would mind replying to you on this thread. He's not a part of this forum but he can reply using my account.

When me and my other half got together I was an escort and he was entirely aware and fine with it. When I started webcamming I then had an alternative reliable income so I could swap my real life services over to dominatrix services which has always been much more my thing.

I didn't stop escorting due to my other half wanting me to, he would never ask that of me, I stopped for myself so I could pursue something I enjoy one hell of alot more.

I was also an escort for the duration of my relationship with my ex. He pushed for me to give up escorting about a year and a half into our relationship and it didn't do any good for our relationship at all. It wasn't the sole reason for our relationship coming to an end but it certainly added to the end of our relationship. That being said, if he ever gave me an ultimatum to give up escorting or he's leaving then I'd of packed his bags for him. I'll never have someone tell me what I can't and can't do, especially when it comes to the way in which I pay my rent and its something that they already knew and had accepted what I do.

That's just me and the way that I am. Other people have different opinions and different outlooks.

X

[sarahxxx]

That's just me and the way that I am. Other people have different opinions and different outlooks.

I think that sums it up Pixie and Jake needs to get on with how he will deal with the situation he has, people are different, even every situation is different, so there is no set answer, what works for one couple, like us, does not suit him.

Sarah x x x

[Jakey]

@Jakey

I am confused as to what you are looking for or what help you think people can actually give you.

If your looking for a couples point of view then I am part of a couple but possibly the wrong part as you may or may not want the view of my OH.

He is a perv, he enjoys nothing better than watching me have sex with many other men and has done since we first met,  he was 21 I was 20.

Does he enjoy me working as an escort? Yes & no, being a perv he enjoys the thought of it and he likes the fact that I earn good money from it, rather than keep taking money from him.

So what does he not enjoy about it? He doesn't like that he can not watch.

So on to your problem:

You have found out that your partner is having sex with other men for money.

Your first problem is that she lied to you about it, that is a trust issue and is much the same as any male / female finding out the partner has cheated on them or even that the husband (in most cases) has paid for sex with an escort

The answer is simple get over it or move on.

Taking that you don't want to move on then what you should be doing is talking to your girlfriend, not be on here talking about it, we are not psychologists, but there are many here that could offer you a few private 1-2-1 sessions to help you work through your problem and help you understand the relationship between punter & escort.

Sarah x x x

Hi Sarah,

Yes you're right in that I am looking for a couples point of view. You and your husband share a very different outlook, although I respect it and I guess its great that it suits perfectly for you both then!

That is the ultimate aim of this really, to be able to learn directly from a couple, mainly the guy on how he has learned to accept certain aspects that I have a difficult time dealing with. 

Thanks for the help Sarah, 

Best wishes,
Jake

Jake I'll ask my other half if he would mind replying to you on this thread. He's not a part of this forum but he can reply using my account.

When me and my other half got together I was an escort and he was entirely aware and fine with it. When I started webcamming I then had an alternative reliable income so I could swap my real life services over to dominatrix services which has always been much more my thing.

I didn't stop escorting due to my other half wanting me to, he would never ask that of me, I stopped for myself so I could pursue something I enjoy one hell of alot more.

I was also an escort for the duration of my relationship with my ex. He pushed for me to give up escorting about a year and a half into our relationship and it didn't do any good for our relationship at all. It wasn't the sole reason for our relationship coming to an end but it certainly added to the end of our relationship. That being said, if he ever gave me an ultimatum to give up escorting or he's leaving then I'd of packed his bags for him. I'll never have someone tell me what I can't and can't do, especially when it comes to the way in which I pay my rent and its something that they already knew and had accepted what I do.

That's just me and the way that I am. Other people have different opinions and different outlooks.

That would be great if he could give me some advice, I would be very thankful for that.
Thats fair enough that you wouldnt give it up for him and that he would never expect you to stop. I thinm the difference though is that he or they knew whatbyou were doing from the start. They were given the choice in that the job was part of the relationshio they knew they were entering. On the other hand, I was lied to about what she did, and it wasnt until a good while into our relationship, in love and living together when I found out by walking in on a booking.
If i had known from the start, I would feel I have no right to concern as I accepted it in the first place.
Thanks Pixie,
Jake

[sarahxxx]

@Jake

1. Your starting to not make sense
2. Your starting to ramble
3. It happened
4. Get over it....

Now bullet point your list of problems (if you can) and see how it looks

Sarah x x x

[Nova70]

Hi Jakey, First things first does your GF want to continue doing the job because I'm not clear about that, if the answer to that quetion is no then you have to give her all the support and help she needs to find another job. But if the answer to that question is yes then it's you who has to deal with your problems about what she does, I think most of the women who have responded here are in relationships and their partners don't seem to have any problems with what they do, I apprecate that you worry about her safety but if she wants to carry on all you can do is encourage her never to forget that it should always be her priority and never to become blase about the risk.

The fact that you have never been involved in this world means you can't get your head around the fact that it is just a job like any other and I really don't know how to get that across to you but I assure you most of the wgs who have mentioned their personal lives to me do have partners who are well aware of what they do.

[Jakey]

Hi Jakey, First things first does your GF want to continue doing the job because I'm not clear about that, if the answer to that quetion is no then you have to give her all the support and help she needs to find another job. But if the answer to that question is yes then it's you who has to deal with your problems about what she does, I think most of the women who have responded here are in relationships and their partners don't seem to have any problems with what they do, I apprecate that you worry about her safety but if she wants to carry on all you can do is encourage her never to forget that it should always be her priority and never to become blase about the risk.

The fact that you have never been involved in this world means you can't get your head around the fact that it is just a job like any other and I really don't know how to get that across to you but I assure you most of the wgs who have mentioned their personal lives to me do have partners who are well aware of what they do.

She doesnt like the job, but at the moment its a secure income for her and she feels confident in it which is just like anyone in any other job I guess.
She is pursuing other avenues in the long term by doing a degree etc, and I will support her in doing so to the best that I can. 

I do understand that its just a job technically. But even so I see a huge difference between this job and any other job when it comes to relationships, as it completely crosses over into very fragile areas. Even if she were a stripper, I would understand and respect the fact that it is just a job a lot more, but when random men have come into our home, into our bed that we share and had sex with my partner without me knowing, it makes it very difficult to see it as just a job. The only difference really is that the men give here some notes, which for me it doesnt really eradicate those negative emotions that come up naturally when your partner is engaging with others sexually.

[Nova70]

So I'm assuming she's doing the job because it's one of the very few that offers the kind of flexibility she needs to study for this degree, Jakey the only solution to this is if she can find an alternative job that offers similar flexibility and presumably a similar income, how far would you be prepared to go Jakey in order to help her give it up, would you consider taking a second job yourself so she could possibly stop Escorting and do a less well paid part time job just until she completes the degree.