Assault support advice appreciated

[Katsuragi]

**I'm obliged to provide a trigger warning to any service providers reading this thread who may have had a similarly traumatic experience**

My sex worker was raped, had her belongings stolen and was badly beaten and left handcuffed to the bed inside a hotel room recently and I would really appreciate some advice on how to support her. I don't wish to disclose any further details nor to sensationalise what happened nor to be accused of politicising the issue and I'd appreciate it if others here would try to avoid this also. We have agreed that I won't raise the subject but that I am approachable if she does want to talk to me about it. Crucially her support network seems to be very limited due to the level of discretion she prefers so really her regulars are, I suspect, all she has to help her with this. My concern is the depression which apparently is likely may occur. I'm wondering whether anyone has any experience of, in similar circumstances, supporting their regular pay sex partner with things like dinner dates, shopping trips or even random play dates. This is a guess on my part and perhaps I'm wrong but I expect having people who know what happened to her with her in normal life doing normal fun stuff would meaningfully validate her experience as well as provide some healthy momentum to move on. As her casual employer I consider that I have a responsibility to pay a sex worker on time and in full, to consider the interests of her other clients, and most importantly that I have a responsibility to contribute to her general well-being. After all, I see a sex worker because she helps me to feel like a better human being so why should I not respond like one to what has happened? Does anyone else think this way? Does anyone agree that punters to some extent take on a moral responsibility for the well-being of escorts once they become established regulars? If she declines my offer of a jolly or three, what else can I do if she becomes depressed and refuses to access support services? Perhaps asking another escort to get in touch would be the best thing since they could also prompt or even coordinate other regulars. Your suggestions will be considered valuable, thank you.

[xKatieBabyx]

Goodness how awful it's admirable that you obviously care about how she is.  However this is a good time to remember that you two have a business relationship only.  You're not a friend,  no matter how much rapport you may have while in a business situation. I'm sure that last thing she needs is to think about managing your feelings right now.  I don't mean that in a disparaging way, just that she's probably not the person you think she is no matter how well you feel you know her. Who knows if she even wants to be reminded of escorting right now. If I were you I'd keep a respectful distance although that may seem hard to do x

[Nova70]

Sorry not really buying this......"my sex worker" never heard that term before and your avatar interests me looks like a Manga character, in case you don't know Manga is a Japanese comic genre known for it's explicit depiction of violence and most controversially sexual violence against women, never read these comics and wouldn't want to but the assault described by the OP is probably very similar to the kind of things you would find in these comics. So you see my problem.......we have this "punter" who tells us how concerned he is about what has happened but he chooses to use an avatar from a comic genre well known for potraying sexual violence against women, that would seem to be a little at odds with the nature of his post wouldn't you say.

So if this wg was left handcuffed to the bed in a hotel room how exactly did she get free, you give the impression it was not reported to the Police so it's only really the Hotel staff that could have found her isn't it, it seems highly unlikely to me that the staff having discovered her would not have called the Police......................sorry but I have to call it how I see it.

[Katsuragi]

I suppose I could have chosen an image of an aircraft carrier or a mountain but if it helps your perception is of a stereotype and the still from the animated film used is of a story about love and fear which just happens to be framed by a violent struggle between aliens and robots.

The hotel staff were able to give the WG in question clothes from lost and found and were also kind enough to respect her wishes and not phone the police. How they helped her escape from the cuffs I don't know because I didn't ask because one thing I already knew about rape support is you don't question the story and anyhow her injuries were compelling enough for me.

Some people will find this thread difficult I realise that and many will react by wishing to examine the periphery; subjects like the language used or the apparent plausibility of it all. I'm happy to respond to this as patiently as seems reasonable but I'm still mainly interested in suggestions of what I should do to help her please. Katiebaby's wait-and-see approach seems very sensible and okay say I have waited and seen that she is having difficulties.. what then?

[xKatieBabyx]

Nothing. It's not your call. Presumably you found her through adultwork or an advert etc? Well in time if she advertises again and seems yo be actively looking for customers then by all means go have your jollies with her, but keep it strictly business. If she doesnt then move onHonestly it's not your place to provide or expect anything more than that.

[Katsuragi]

She is still working and it's profoundly humbling. I'll admit I am uncomfortable with the possibility that she's returned to sex work sooner than she may have preferred due to a short-term financial imperative; nothing wrong with earning money but workers have a right not to be unduly traumatised by it. I entirely support the emphasis you are placing on the nature of the relationship and I hope we can agree to agree about that. I don't think that I can just walk away from or ignore someone in crisis even in the context of a professional relationship; I appreciate the need to respect her boundaries now more than ever so it's a very delicate situation. Thank you for supporting the dates idea, I'm posting here because I'm struggling to think of anything which would be as or more effective *and* appropriate.

[Strawberryblonde]

Is there a local outreach project nearby?

SAAFE and UKNSWP have information about support for sex workers on their respective websites.

She's also not yours - reference to 'my'.

[Katsuragi]

Thank you, I'll check that out. I don't own my social worker or my care worker either it's just an ambiguity of the English language open to inference either sympathetic or hostile. The point is taken, she is a self-contained person just like anyone else.

[Nova70]

Sorry Katsuragi I'm still not buying it, the language you use particularly in the opening post just doesn't sit right with me it's eerily reminiscent of the dialogue in Japanese cartoons and films, detached and unemotional probably as a result of poor translation from the original Japanese "my sex worker" being a good example of that, and I still can't believe that the staff at this hotel having found some one "badly beaten" and handcuffed to a bed would not have immediately called the Police.

Even if I did believe you and I don't even as a regular the only moral obligation we have to a wg above and beyond common courtesy is to respect her boundaries, no matter how often you visit someone you don't really know them as they are simply playing a part for you, lover, slut whatever they think you want them to be, but I do believe that a wg who really has been the victim of such an assault has a moral obligation to report it as the person who carried it out has specifically targeted a prostitute and has probably done it before and will do so again.

We're told that the Police deal with rape victims more sensitively now than they did a decade or two ago, specialist officers etc, I hope that's true, victims are also guaranteed anonymity as far as I'm aware, easy for me to say I know but such crimes must be reported.

[sarahxxx]

**I'm obliged to provide a trigger warning to any service providers reading this thread who may have had a similarly traumatic experience**

I think the idea of the above is that you do "provide a trigger warning" rather than just saying you are going to be doing so and then don't do what you said you would...
The story does seem strange, but then many strange things do happen.

Sarah x x x