Effects of war on your sex life

[YoungVet]

Hi, this is my first post and I guess it's a bit of a weird one. To cut to the point, I'm 25 and I've done a tour of duty in Iraq and three tours of duty in Afghanistan with the para's. Without sounding like I'm playing a violin for myself, basically the first two tours of Afghanistan were pretty heavy in terms of front line combat, then after after too many close shaves, I made the third tour my last.

The stress and the things you see on the battlefield effect people in all different ways. Some guys I fought with have been completely fucked up by the experiences, others have brushed it off and just got on with their life on civi street.

Now for me, I've seen a lot of shit.... shit you read about in books and see in films, some really bad, some really good, and overall i thought, and still think that I'm a better person for them experiences. But this is now where it's going to sound stupid.... since coming back, I seem to have developed premature ejaculation. I've never had this problem until my third tour where I ended up in a few situations where I thought "this is the end of the line..."

When I came back, the first thing I obviously wanted to do was grab my girlfriend and lead her off to the bedroom, and when I did, it literally lasted 10 seconds. I didn't really think anything off it, but the next time we had sex it happened again. After it happening a third time, I started getting a bit paranoid about it and that seems to have made it worse. This went on for a while, and obviously my girlfriend wasn't getting satisfied and after a while she left me, and I know the whole premature ejaculation had a lot to do with it.

I can't work out if it was just a one of thing that just knocked my confidence and as a result turned it into a reoccurring problem, or if in someway combat has effected me in an unusual way.

I've never seen an escort before, and basically I'm thinking about getting one for a couple of hours to see if I can get this problem sorted.

Is this the type of thing that an escort is just going to laugh at? I'm 80% sure that this is just all in my head and is a confidence thing, which is why I'm thinking that if I get a pretty hot escort who understands the situation and I can just go for it without being paranoid about it then it will sort itself out...

Anyone got any advice?

[iluvjem]

Of course an escort is not going to laugh at you!

You've been very open and you should be this open with who ever you book so they understand and if it's too much for them they can say so. It's best you find the right girl for you.

Being with an escort should give you the time to just be yourself without worry. Escorts don't have expectations from you in regards to performance. They are there for you.

I appreciate it's a difficult subject too talk about but if you believe it's purely "in your head" perhaps you should also speak to your gp and make sure you getting support from all angles.

Best wishes

[Johnhomes65]

An associate of mine in EOD had his sex life changed in the sandpit. He was trying to recover the OC's body after an IED went off when a second one went off removing Dingger's legs mid thigh, his scrotum, testicles and penis. He also lost his thumbs. In hospital at Selly Oak he said the thumbs didn't matter because he had nothing left to play with and even if he did it was no good because both his arms were in casts anyway so he couldn't reach.

In a less humourous discussion he admitted the real issue was losing his thumbs because he will never write or drive.

[YoungVet]

This is why I wouldn't go to the GP about it. In total I had three very close friends who didn't make it back, and a lot of friends who made it back but not in one piece. So for one I feel kinda stupid that the only problem that I personally have from the whole experience is that i shoot my bolt in 10 seconds. It's kind of trivia in comparison.

Secondly, from all the other soldiers I know who have had a random problem and gone to the GP about it, because they've recently returned from combat, the GP just says it's post combat stress and whacks them on a load of meds.

I know this problem is just all in my head. I don't know if my confidence took a knock because there's things I felt I should of or shouldn't of done on the front line. However, I know it's just a confidence thing as I never had this problem before. This is why I think I just need an escort to help me get my confidence back. The ones who get post combat stress really bad are the snipers. When I look at them guys after they rotate back to the real world, I know I definitely don't have post combat stress

[davidseven]

And you think that betraying your girlfriend is going to take the stress out of the situation?? I think not.
And if the same thing happens with an escort, then what?
Its going to make the problem more complicated with extra guilt added to that which you may already be feeling.
Its all about putting pressure on yourself, once it happens doubt creeps in and a cycle of behaviour is established.
The best way to tackle this is as a couple, it does effect both of you after all.
There is now lots of good advice online about how to go about breaking this vicious circle. Read all you can and share your concerns with your girlfriend.
I wish you all the best.

[Johnhomes65]

YoungVet.

PTSD strikes in many ways and many levels of severity. I think a call to Combat Stress at least for a chat is worthwhile.

The other options is seeing the brigade chaplains. Nothing shocks a military chaplain.

[EliteAnnalise]

I personally think that it may be a better idea to try CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy). In my experience, meeting an Escort for the first time can be pretty nerve racking and I'm concerned that if you couldn't perform as you wanted or you expect to, you will feel pretty disappointed. Take a look at this website for a bit more information about CBT http://www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_...ur_therapy

[jamsaugustine]

They is right said it is dependent your thinking or behavior as your life. There are positive or negative effect as him life. If you are sex with your lover than your depression as low and you fresh your mind with satisfaction.