Pregnant by a Punter?

[monty69]

Hum Kate now that I can relate to and have to admit that I lost the battle and had to bail out. My daughter is now living in a hostel because I was forced to give up on her. Think bad of me if you wish but I felt that, in order to keep my sanity, we had to part company because she treated everyone like shit. She did not respect any house rules (and they were not onerous, just things like washing every day that sort of thing!) and she didnt respect anybody either. She got the ultimatum and I had to throw her out of the house. Not proud of it but at least I am still relatively sane.

[English Kate]

Hum Kate now that I can relate to and have to admit that I lost the battle and had to bail out. My daughter is now living in a hostel because I was forced to give up on her. Think bad of me if you wish but I felt that, in order to keep my sanity, we had to part company because she treated everyone like shit. She did not respect any house rules (and they were not onerous, just things like washing every day that sort of thing!) and she didnt respect anybody either. She got the ultimatum and I had to throw her out of the house. Not proud of it but at least I am still relatively sane.

Some times tough love is the only answer Monty. Mine runs a fine line, but he is making an effort, it's just a bit random at the moment and he needs to be more consistant. Tidying up after himself is the biggest bone of contention, but the rest is getting there (slowly). He even started making me cups of tea since he started drinking coffee recently (so grown up lol). He also let's me hug him now when I need his support (recent death in the family).

He is a good boy, but does need pushing continually and it can get exhausting.

[digger1967a]

He is a good boy, but does need pushing continually and it can get exhausting.

From my experiences as a boy, and with a 15 year old 'Kevin' of my own, I think all boys are a bit like that Kate!
If anyone finds a cure, other than making said boy live by themselves for ayear or two ( worked to tidy me up), then PLEASE LET US KNOW!

[Nick Meanswell]

Thank you for that LL.

One thing I didnt mention as regards my children was that they grew up living with my ex wife and I had regular access. However, as regards the guidance etc it was very difficult as my ex wife had different ideas to me on how and what shoudl be done as they grew up. If I had sole 'charge' of them as they grew up, I guess it would have been totally different. When my ex-wife moved abroad, she left one child behind with me and took the younger one with her. My eldest was 16 at the time and they had fallen out.

Monty,
Your situation sounds remarkably familiar, my wife and I have wildly different ideas, but worst of all was her putting me down and telling me I'm a prat in front of the children, so naturally, I get no respect from either of them, because they just say "We don't have to do what you say, because mummy says you're a prat"

[SassyAnn]

I don't think I could ever be a mum..... I would be asleep too much of the time!
Plus I don't think I could be consistent enough in my rules, the poor little blighters would get confused.

[Heather_Edwards]

I like to say a BIG THANKS to everyone who as Replyed with Thoughts

[monty69]

Thank you for that LL.

One thing I didnt mention as regards my children was that they grew up living with my ex wife and I had regular access. However, as regards the guidance etc it was very difficult as my ex wife had different ideas to me on how and what shoudl be done as they grew up. If I had sole 'charge' of them as they grew up, I guess it would have been totally different. When my ex-wife moved abroad, she left one child behind with me and took the younger one with her. My eldest was 16 at the time and they had fallen out.

Monty,
Your situation sounds remarkably familiar, my wife and I have wildly different ideas, but worst of all was her putting me down and telling me I'm a prat in front of the children, so naturally, I get no respect from either of them, because they just say "We don't have to do what you say, because mummy says you're a prat"

Whatever anyone, including your wife, thinks of you, if it is not good, then it should be said in private. Bang out of order, especially in front of the children. Bloody awful in fact.

[English Kate]

I have to agree with Monty. I bit my tongue for years after I divorced my ex, because I wanted our son to have a good relationship with his Dad. Unfortunately his Dad showed his true colours and our son knows what he is like, without me having said a word.

May I ask why you call yourself a prat in your profile name if you find the word offensive?

[Nick Meanswell]

I have to agree with Monty. I bit my tongue for years after I divorced my ex, because I wanted our son to have a good relationship with his Dad. Unfortunately his Dad showed his true colours and our son knows what he is like, without me having said a word.

May I ask why you call yourself a prat in your profile name if you find the word offensive?

Good point Kate, I suppose it's an acknowledgement that I am one. It's not that I am particularly offended by it per se, there's no doubt in my mind that I say and do things that in retrospect would have been better left unsaid or undone, and yet somehow people in general like me and certainly in the case of my day job I am both well-liked and well respected.

I suppose I play on being a bit of a buffoon, rather in the way that Boris Johnson does, so that my mistakes are laughed off, and its realised that no mistakes are ever made with any intended malice.

What hurts is the matter of being put down in front of my own children. If they come to that conclusion, based on their own observations, that's fair enough, but to have it spoon fed to them as being the truth, it's that which I find so hurtful and destructive.

[English Kate]

Unfortunately your last statement may be the answer.

When you have children you have responsibility and you can't just have fun all the time. Christ I was celebate for 3 years when I was single, so I could be a good Mum and commit to his interests and be there for him.

If I were you I would take a deep breath and approach my partner and tell them how I felt about being undermined in front of the children. I'd tell them that I realised I had said and perhaps done things to deserve the response given, but that it needed to be dealt with in private and away from anyone else, especially the children. I would also tell her that I didn't like that she spoke ill of me to her friends and I would say that I don't think it is healthy for either of us, so lets clean the slate and start again. How can I make things better for her and be the husband that she wants? How can she be the wife that I want?

Your children are of an age where they should be more understanding and don't understitmate how much they can take in and understand. Despite how they behave towards you they will love you, so spend some time with them and earn their respect back.

That is what I would do anyway.