(13-04-2016, 14:15)Jakey Wrote:
Hi there,
I am interested in hearing advice from people in a similar situation to me. I am in a relationship with a girl who I found out to be a an escort.
I must note that I did not meet her as a client, I met her in a completely unrelated setting and I have never had any experience with the adult industry. I really love her and have known about her work for a number of months now, but I do face daily struggles in terms of coping with the fact that she is away in a hotel somewhere having sex with other men, and no matter how much you try to convince yourself that it's ok, and try to find ways to ignore it, it is so difficult for my mind not to wander into picturing certain scenes, and I often find myself looking at her AW profile, even though I know it's like stabbing myself with a knife and does me no favours.
I'm 22 and she is a few years older than me, and this is my first long term relationship and I really want it to work out. Other than the problem we face with her job, we are perfect for each other. She is not in a position to be able to stop her work just yet and I do see the positive side to the job, but it's just distressing in terms of coping with the emotional side if that makes sense.
As you can imagine I can't exactly talk about this with friends or family, and they would probably have a bias against her which would be unhelpful. Are there any similar couples out there? If anybody has any advice they could lend me to help cope with this then it would be much appreciated. (Oh, and leaving her is not an option, I tried that and it only made me feel worse, I really want to be with her)
Thanks guys!
Jake
Hi Jake,
Maybe I can help. I met my boyfriend as a lap dancer, I would travel from club to club and stay in hotels,depending on where was busy at the time. He is from a completely different world to me and at first found it really difficult to deal with.
However, I was always honest from day 1 about what I did, so he had no reason not to trust me. He thought at first that maybe something was going on in the hotels, but it wasn't, he met some other girls and started to get used to the idea and we had trust.
With your situation, I feel that it's doomed from the start, because you found out, she didn't tell you. It's understandable, as many guys wouldn't stick around so why say anything, right? However, I feel that in relationships, if you are not fully aware of what is happening, then your mind will make up the rest. I feel that right now, because it was kept secret, you are now filling in the gaps yourself. This could drive you mad.
I think that if you really want to make it work, you need to make it clear that you need her to be completely transparent and honest. You need to do the same, if there are some details that you feel you really don't want to know, then tell her that too.
With my boyfriend, I gave him a lapdance, the same as I do for all my clients and asked him if he was ok with me doing that for other men. He's fine, but says he doesn't like to hear about my regulars or anything about what happens between me and customers. That works for us, and he knows that it's not forever so holds on to that. I respect that it's difficult, and he respects that it's necessary for me, mainly for my independence. With the webcaming, it's the same. He knows I do it, but I only go on when he's not here and I'm totally honest.
For a 22 year old, it's hard to take on being with an escort, we're 10 years older and it's not been easy. Not to sound patronizing, but it's more of an age of innocence for most, especially if you're not from this world. I hope that you can find what works for you, but also, if it's too difficult, you need to be honest with yourself and end the relationship, otherwise it could turn toxic in the long run.
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